Somedays I just want to be alone, I go to school by myself, sit in my own private world, come home and proceed to hide out in my room till dinner.
Ok, I lied, that is most days for me.
The only time I get any social interaction is Friday morning cleaning, and the occasional between classes chat with my friends. And you know what? I'm totally ok with that. I always have been, ever since I was little.
Actually I was worse when I was little, my best friend was easily my TV. Oh course I played with my friends, but it was always, ALWAYS arranged by either my mum, or the other kid. Because the thing is, as much as I enjoy other people's company, I don't mind being alone.
I hardly ever get truly lonely. That being said, every now and then I get the urge to hang out with a friend, or she makes plans to see me and I realise how much I miss them.
I don't drink much and I hardly ever have disposable cash, so I don't go out to bars, but every now and then I hear classmates or friends talk about their weekend, and I feel isolated.
Most days it doesn't phase me at all that I have never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, never even been kissed. In fact most days it doesn't even cross my mind. Of course it gets hard when mom is CONSTANTLY reminding me. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes its funny, but it is always annoying... It's not that I would be opposed to dating someone if the opportunity came up, but I'm not actively seeking one out.
So I've adapted to ignoring her comments. Because the thing is, I do want a boyfriend sometimes, but there is nothing wrong with being happy without one, and despite being a hopeless romantic sap who is hardwired into wanting that Prince Charming to chase after me... it's not the lack of one that bothers me, but that the world, my mother especially, doesn't seem to think that I'll be whole or happy untill that happens for me. Now THAT hurts.
But I didn't start this post to complain about being single. I started it to talk about how much I love my friends, and how spending time with them reminds me how lucky I am.
This past week I got to spend good quality time with some of my favourite people, and I had so much fun!
I had planned to go more in depth about who I saw and what we did, and just how truly blessed I feel... but that was before I nearly fell asleep from sheer exhaustion!
So I shall post the angsty Solitary half and go to bed, hopefully I will have the time and energy to devote to the happy Solidarity half!
"I cannot believe my eyes/ how the world's full of fear and lies/ but it's plain to see evil inside of me/ is on the rise... I cannot believe my eyes/ is the world finally growing wise/ cause it seems to me/ some kind of harmony/ is on the rise"
